Well, sorry to say, but we all got suckered into another pointless airing of the Alaskan Bush People, and it was a huge waste of time. After anxiously awaiting the previewed explosion involving Matt, and the prognosis on Ami, the producers instead hit us with a 50 minute shit show of flashbacks of ‘better’ times and broken dreams.
It all starts with the Bear and Snow and Rain trying to capture a lizard for their dinner that night, and of course, Bear climbs a tree, and the lizard escapes certain death at the hands of these moronic waste of brain cell matter. Someone needs to really tear this family down and build a parking lot.
We are again reminded that this is happening in ‘real time’, and it is 7 weeks ago, real time and 7 weeks ago just doesn’t make sense. Real time is now, 7 weeks ago is in the past. Oh well…
FLASHBACKS !!!! I am not even going to bother with this garbage, this isn’t what I tuned in for. A note to all the advertisers out there for ABP – I AM NOT BUYING ANY OF YOUR PRODUCTS UNTIL YOU PRESENT A DECENT SHOW, NOT SOME MISH MASH OF THINGS I HAVE ALREADY SEEN AND DO NOT CARE TO SEE ! ‘Never before seen’ crap, I can surely understand why, no one wanted to see it in the first place.
Bear and Snow and Rain have trouble adjusting to California, after living in Alaska their whole life (except for the years living not in Alaska)…. Boo Hoo… Move on.
FLASHBACKS !!! Show me that saw mill Matt built one more time and I will shoot the dog, I mean it, I dare you !!! The gun is in my hand and ready…..
Snow and Bear are dying of heat stroke, and decide to remodel the hot tub into a cold tub. Much scrubbing and cleaning and washing and we never actually see them in the tub cooling off… Geez, why not change out of the jeans and camo long pants into some shorts and go inside to the air conditioning inside the house (which we never see, except for the cancer bedroom)… Or get out the hose with holes and cool off… Also watch as Bear and Gabe frantically tear up the lawn to start a fire for some unknown reason. Gabe stands there like a moron imbecile asking his brother if he should go hunting for some game… That is really pretty sad…
FLASHBACKS !!! I am making some popcorn BRB…
Bear, Snow and Rain discuss the need to travel to Brownghetto to pack stuff for big move. This is not what I watched for, to see them make plans and moan and cry how it is not the same anymore… Rain starts blabbing on how she is not sad exactly, and I missed the rest while I checked the ball scores… Sorry, did I miss anything ?
FLASHBACKS !!! Man, they sure like to relive the past….
Time to show Gabe and Rain interacting drawing some amateurish pencil sketches and pretending that they do this all the time or something. In the talking head scene with Rain and Bam, Rain is dressed like she just stepped out of a production of ‘The Great Gatsby’ at the local Little Theater workshop… The hat and hairdo and all, so 20’s !!!
Get camera ready, sound is set, scene has been blocked off and now we get to see Ami in her bed, YES THIS IS IT WHAT WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR, and she informs us that… that…. that…. Rain is getting her some ice water…That’s it ??? What about the cancer and the tests and the treatment and everything ??? Good Lord, what a waste of time !!! Billy then wanders down the hall to his talking head segment and tells how the kids are standing on their own two feet and he couldn’t be prouder of them… Really, I mean REALLY ??? Those losers couldn’t seem to make it in a call center giving away $1000 checks… Back to Ami on her deathbed, mumbling about something, at this point I am still wondering about the blurred out stuffed animal on the headboard, why is it blurred out for Christ All Mighty sakes ??? Someone please answer me !!!
Next week previews actually showed more flashbacks !!!!!!!! What a crock of a show !!!!
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