Ami is sick, Noah is in Browntown


   So now the whole family (except for Noah) is in Southern California to watch Ami get a biopsy on her lung, to see if she has cancer or not. So we are forced to watch as the bunch of low lives ramble and shuffle around to see the results, and find out if the ‘matriarch’ of the Browns will be around for another season or two.

     First we join Noah all alone in Alaska at Browntown as he looks in a shed, pulls out a gun, and waves it around, and then declares ‘No bears here’… So we are led to believe Noah is by himself at the dump, unless we consider the 5 man filming and sound crew, the boat captains for transportation, the caterers, the make up crew, security detail and Noah’s friends who he invited to tag along. While this dope is ‘protecting’ the North ghetto, he explains that he misses his girlfriend, and decides to make a lame ass gift for her out of a shell. He also mentions that he hasn’t seen his family for ‘months’. Months ? Just exactly how long ago did the others leave ? Never explained. Despite the stock footage of trained bears roaming around looking for the Purina Bear Chow that the crew threw on the ground, no ‘wild attack bears’ are ever seen. So in the end he gets out the chicken wire hooked up to a battery, that he says passes as an electric bear fence, and sets it up to prevent ‘bear attacks’. Is it me or was that about 12 feet of fence ? What is to prevent these ‘attack bears’ from just walking around the stupid fence ?

Back to SoCal and the clueless chumps living in a house that is rented (?) or bought (?), while they seem to proceed to dig holes in the yard for no reason, play with the dog and swing around on tree ropes like the baboons they are. Is this now the ‘California City People’ ?…

And do they or the production crew have a gram of dignity in their bodies ? To follow a poor woman around, who seems to be in obvious pain to get the results of a biopsy ? Have these people no shame ? The others have nothing to do except to be shown sitting around worrying about mom’s condition and doing their talking head segments on cue to raise the obvious lack of any drama. Why couldn’t those lazy kids find jobs to help cut the costs of EXTREME medical care. Playing with the dog ? Swinging on tree ropes ? Making a bow and arrow out of PVC pipe ? What a bunch of retarded losers they are.

     I guessed five minutes into the stupid episode that we surely wouldn’t find out any answers this week the way they were dragging along, and of course I was right. Billy and his long drawn out stories about his life with his child bride filled 30 minutes of the show, stuff the faithful watchers for the last few years have already seen and heard enough about . I mean, we get the backstory and the hardships, and the sinking boat, and the house that took 30 years to build and everything else. It does not need repeating every single show.


And of course the biggest chowderhead of the show, Bear, is gonna make EXTREME orange juice. What a shit for brains segment. He has to make it in a trash bag, outside, throwing the fruit at the knife and then crushing the fruit with his hands like a 2 year old child, what a waste of brain matter, he is seriously disturbed.

So we are left with the cliffhanger and the END MIGHT BE NEAR…   OMG !!!!! This show is getting more surreal every week with all the obvious fake drama and plot twists and turns…        MORE !

Back to Alaskan Bush People Season #5

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