Alaskan Bush People s 04-ep 05



POW part2



Part two of the ‘Great Big Dangerous Job On The High Seas’ begins with Matt brewing some coffee, the only one who drinks coffee in the family we are told…

We are then shown what is going to happen as scripted this week, get the disabled plane towed, pick up some turbine parts from a friend, and some one is leaving the Brown cult… Bets are now being taken as to who in the Brown family finally came to their senses and packed up to leave… My odds are on Mr. Cupcake at 2-1… $20 says Cupcake at the 39:00 minute mark is free at last…

So half the crew on the Titanic are seasick even though they lived their life on a boat for years, poor Rainbow is heaving chunks off the side of the boat, and when she manages to make it to the doorway to the pilot house, she sees Ami and Billy and gets sick all over again, ‘OMG, I’m still here with these awful people !!!’

Billy announces to no one that ‘He’s got a plan’, and then lays out the plan about taking a certain route to avoid a crisis, and as we have all learned, doesn’t matter, crisis is waiting full time for the Brown circus clowns…

Calm seas at last… Time for chow… Two cups of sugar on Bird’s eggs (I thought she looked a little ‘husky’ lately), chips dipped in lard, Bear playing with a gun at the table, Bam looking a little ‘preoccupied’… On to the job… We need turbine parts, meat and fuel… Let’s go !!! And Billy tells everyone ‘We can’t be late to tow the plane’, why not ? It ain’t going anywhere…

Flashback time ! The beautiful life on Prince Of Wales Island and the good times we had there, show some old photoshopped pictures and some stock footage of whales in the water and then back to the reality of a depressing and hopelessly lost family in the wild (with their 10 person production crew and staff)…

Haul 250 gallons of fuel in 5 gallon cans from the pump to the boat… uh-huh… Well, we haul 3 cans and then hire someone else to do the rest…

Matt and Snowflake grab the rifles and head out on the road to shoot some game… Matt says he hopes the ‘Muskeg’ hasn’t changed that much… Muskeg-a North American swamp or bog consisting of a mixture of water and partly dead vegetation, frequently covered by a layer of sphagnum or other mosses. I don’t think it can really change all that much… Anyway… Snowball refuses to shoot a deer in the road because it is a doe, then says shooting a big buck is out of the question also, kinda leaves little to hunt for if you are hunting deer…

At the gas pumps, Bear is acting (actually not an act) stupid as usual and we move on to the big hunt again… Matt calls deer, Matt finally mans up and shoots a deer (that was probably chained to a tree, or was hit by a car), and then for good measure, shoots it again from three feet away… Wow, that Matt IS the American Sportsman !!! Matt cleans deer and spreads blood all over face to show us how cool he is… A huge bear appears, smells blood on Matt’s face, and proceeds to rip him apart limb for limb as Snowblind runs screaming back to the refugee boat sobbing that wasn’t in the script… OK, I just made that up, sorry…

Time for bed on the Titanic, but wait, Bam has to tell the creeps (Billy and Ami) that he has just about had enough and ‘See ya later suckas !’… Billy and Ami are shocked, bewildered, mortified that one of the wolfslackers is actually going to leave !!! Well, I lost my $20… Rats !

Flashback time…zzzzzz

Let’s meet Mike, he is the ‘go to’ guy for the turbine parts, he picks Noah, Matt and Bam up in the truck and off we go to the house where we will meet his squeeze Connie, ‘Hat Trick Connie’, Ok, I’m interested… And BTW, the announcer calls the truck a ‘car’, and later on he calls an SUV a ‘truck’…. On the way to Mike’s place, the guys get stuck and fret about making good time to get the plane towed on time. Mike mentions blueberry wine and Matt ‘s eyes light up at that !!! But they manage at the last minute to make it through and we get to meet Connie, purple hair and all… She immediately starts asking the very obvious, when are you bums going to get jobs, wives, real lives ??? Totally emasculates each and every one of those losers… They grab the free turbine parts and skedaddle before the castration ritual actually gets under way… SEE YA !!! hahahaha

Short scene where Mr. Cupcake attacks Bear on the dock and attempts to escape the misery of living with a bunch of foolish morons, but is subdued and drug back on the boat by Bear to live yet another painful week with the cult…

While the pack is scattered doing the real work, Billy takes Ami to a dock and she is going fishing… Ami loves to fish, Ami has fished all her life, Ami is going to fish, then she acts like it is the first time she has ever held a rod and reel and catches some weeds… Way to go ! Couldn’t the writers have bought a fish and stuck it on the hook to make us think she actually caught one ???

Bear finds his favorite climbing tree and extremely climbs it… grow up dickhead…

Back on the seas and the Titanic breaks down for the 68th time since they bought the wreck. And rather than call Mayday or Distress, Billy frets about being disabled and dead in the water. Dead in the head I say… Noah the Great repairs the mess and all that crying about being disabled was for nothing… As the drums beat wildly, the boat churns on towards the plane… Will the crew make it in time? Will the plane still be there ? Will everything work out OK ?…. Yes , yes, and yes… The guy on the plane says he is happy to see them, has he been standing there all that time waiting for these churls to show up ??? Big drama with a rope toss, Bear says he the master at throwing rope and is supernatural, uh-huh, just shut up and throw some rope, you clod…

Billy chimes in with “It was almost a ‘catastrophe’,” which it most certainly wasn’t… Noah is in the boat putting the finishing touches on some junk he calls jewelry that he intends to impress his girlfriend with… Lucky girl… Finally they cut the plane free and you can see Mr. Cupcake frantically trying to jump ship to go with the plane, but he fails and is led back to his cell.

On to Ketchikan, some more flashback memories and remember when we foolishly sunk our other boat here ??? Wow, good times, just can’t forget them good times…

Big farewell scene for Bam… He explains he doesn’t know where he is going, how he’s gonna get there, what he plans on doing or why the big departure from the heaven on earth family called the Browns… BYE !!!! More !!!! Ami says she is very ‘excited’… About what ???

Anyway, the others watch jealously as Bam heads down the dock and into the real world … So what happens to the plans he had back at Browntown when he was clearing the land for a new cabin/shack ???

And of course, on everyone’s mind, is Kenny and Sabrina the cow still alive ??? 

Find out next week I hope !

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